Doug's Reasons for Being Surprised When Elly Asked Him to Get Married

Did you read the second last paragraph in Elly's last post? This part.

"When I married my children's father, his sister was appalled that my dress was white. Her reasoning was that I was living in sin and I wasn't a virgin. My mother had a silly white dress made, a short one with long sleeves and a ridiculous silk Peter Pan colour with a little bow. My former sister-in-law, bless her, couldn't prevent what she saw as an absolute atrocity. She got married about a week before we did. Her former mother-in-law rebelled, turning up all in black with a little pill box hat and a black veil covering her face."

You can see why I thought I was safe. Ultimately its Mike's fault. Mike, a friend from Vancouver, married his long time partner Mark this spring. Elly kind of went gaga and here we are. So much for gay marriage threatening straight marriage.

My opinion about people who happen to be gay getting married has changed over the years. At first I was only in favour of marriage for hot lesbian couples, but I realized that was discriminatory. My philosophy became marriage isn't for me, but hey, knock yourself out. And now its just hey, knock yourself out.

Doug's Thoughts on Labels and Caterers

I use Fiance as often as I can. Its only good for 8 more months. I don't like partner anymore. When you say partner in Vancouver people assume you're in a relationship. When you say partner in Toronto people think you're in business.

********* Spoiler Alert **************

Our caterer is Caplanskys Deli (http://www.caplansky.com/). We can't have a Jewish Wedding, I'm not Jewish and I refuse to convert, so we are having a Jewish style caterer. We were at an event he did yesterday. It was great. There was smoked meat sandwiches, and knishes, kishka, latkes, pickles, all that Jewish deli stuff. And I want to have cupcakes instead of a wedding cake. I think that's fun. And I want to have cocktails, like Mojitos or, Long Island Iced Tea, or Floratinis, and Shirley Temples for the kids. That sounds pretty Bomehian.

I want to wear a tux because I look good in a tux. I want to wear Converse Allstars because they are comfortable. I saw the look in a bubble gum commercial years ago and I thought it was soooooo cool, or at least Bohemian. Elly can wear what ever she wants. I don't care. She'll be beautiful no matter what. Even if she shows up naked. Especially if she shows up naked. Maybe I'll show up naked.

Doug's Thoughts on Being Bohemian

OK, so the reality show was really just a way to try to get Elly to back out of the wedding. I never really intended to do it, the reality show I mean. Lets get one thing straight, Elly proposed to me. I must have said yes or else we wouldn't be here. That doesn't mean I didn't have cold feet. The reality show idea allowed me to work out my overall issues with marriage and my feet. I'm cool with it now, but I am stuck on the idea of a Bohemian wedding.

We all know what weddings are, but what is Bohemianism? According to Elly, and Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemianism), it is in fact starving artists being freaks.

According to Me, and Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemianism#People), Bohemian People are people with artistic or intellectual tendencies, who lives and act with no regard for conventional rules of behavior. Faux hippies in the 60's or neveau hippies in the 90's, it sounds pretty Bohemian to me. Crazy? Maybe that's just Bohemian too. I could think of worse labels.

Elly's Response to Doug's Reality Show Mishigahs

I'm happy that "Doug and Elly's Bohemian Wedding" reality show was cancelled. Mind you I allowed Doug the creative freedom to express his ideas all the while knowing full well that unless he was going to take action on the idea it wouldn't happen. I also thought it was a bad idea and a waste of our writing talent. We have proven to be a good team when it comes to writing plays, keynotes and press releases. A reality show would have been too tacky.

The other problem I had with it was that we are NOT Bohemians. Yes, we are a bit of an off beat couple, however we're not starving artists, poets or painters. And it's not the '50's or 60's. I may have been a faux hippie back in the 60's but today there are many other labels that people who care to label people with like to call me. Before you get ahead of yourself, "crazy" is not one of them. No, I will not label myself anything other than Doug's partner or when I feel like being a bit fancy shmancy, his fiance.

I talked to our caterers last week and it all sounds so delicious but a little on the tricky side for accommodating those special vegan-ova-lactose free-low fat-low sugar-low sodium diets. The cake is now something that I am thinking about. I hate wedding cakes, especially all the fuss that goes into them so I have decided not have one. Doug and I agree on this and we will have something else just as delicious. And of course we'll be accommodating all our friends and relatives on vegan-ova-lactose free-low fat-low sugar-low sodium diets.

Doug seems to want to wear a tux with his Converse runners. I'm fine with it. I find it a little odd that such a chilled out casz kinda tie-dye guy wants to squish and suffocate his abdomen with a cumber bun. But hey ... whatever blows your skirt up. Go for it Doug! As for me I have no idea what I will be wearing. The question of whether or not I will wear white is an ouee from the past. When I married my children's father, his sister was appalled that my dress was white. Her reasoning was that I was living in sin and I wasn't a virgin. My mother had a silly white dress made, a short one with long sleeves and a ridiculous silk Peter Pan colour with a little bow. My former sister-in-law, bless her, couldn't prevent what she saw as an absolute atrocity. She got married about a week before we did. Her former mother-in-law rebelled, turning up all in black with a little pill box hat and a black veil covering her face. Luckily this is in the past and we have both happily moved on to better things/partners. Since we will be getting married in the summer I think white might be nice. It all depends on what's at Winners that week.

We've had a number of emails from people who are enjoying this blog. Thank you . We are having fun keeping you up to date. But, there's only one comment on the blog. This looks really bad, like we're not being read or something. So please, comment here. And email us too if you wish. I'm outta here till next time. xoE

Doug's Version of Reasons to Marry Elly

Love aside, the real reason I wanted get get married was to have a reality show, 'Doug and Elly's Bohemian Wedding'. It would have been 13 episode of us torturing wedding planners. Our perfect wedding was to have been bohemian affair, wallowing in all it's weirdness, with the network footing the bill. I had it all worked out from the first episode, 'the proposal' to the exciting 2 part conclusion, 'the wedding' with me bailing out then getting back on board for the finale. I had an episode planned around the reception with caterers forced to provide vegan-ova-lactose free-low fat-low sugar-low sodium 7 course meals. I had another about the wedding entourage, where most of the guests ended up being in the wedding party. I had another about whether Elly would wear white, and if I could wear converse all stars with a tux. I suppose that still needs to be settled.

This is all a moot point. Before it even got off the ground the show was cancelled. That's just as well. It seemed like a lot of work for for a pretty small payoff. Of course the wedding didn't get cancelled. That's still happening. It just means that the 2 days work that went into 'Doug and Elly's Bohemian Wedding' wasn't wasted. Everything we were going to do for the show needs to be done anyways, venue, guest list, wedding entourage, and finding caterers to provide vegan-ova-lactose free-low fat-low sugar-low sodium 7 course meals. Maybe we'll just have sandwiches. The point is we still have to figure it all out. We just want everybody to be relaxed, comfortable, and to have fun. I also want to have funky Bohemian wedding and Elly seems willing to go along with that.

I think that's another pretty good reason for marrying Elly.

Doug's Version of Reasons to Marry Doug

I can't really argue with Elly's reasons to marry me. They are all good reasons. After all, I am quite a catch, at least according to me.

The only reason I can think of not to marry me is my lack of respect for the institution. Its not that I'm against other people getting married, some of my best friends are married. Its just that it wasn't for me. And it wasn't for Elly when we met. She was even more down on marriage than I was. That's why I was surprised when she brought it up.

We agreed on everything except for one small point. We both thought we had a pretty strong loving relationship. We seemed to be happy with each other. We had fun together. We liked the idea of a party for all our friends and family to celebrate our relationship.

Here is where Elly and I differ. Typical.

Elly believes that after 13 years together we need to get married to show our love and commitment to each other. I believe that a 13 year show of love and commitment prove more than any ceremony possible could hence it is unnecessary.

Of course she confused me not wanting to marry anybody with me not wanting to marry her. The celebration of our relationship was turning ugly. It took me a while to sort things out, but basically it came down to this.

On the one hand it was completely unnecessary, a waste of money, time, and energy. On the other hand Elly loves me. On the other hand I love Elly. That's the best reason to marry Elly.

And a pretty good reason to marry me.

Elly's Version of Reasons to Marry Doug

Most people that know us are shocked that Doug and I are legally tying the knot. Others are just simply thrilled and happy for us. To say the least, we are not a traditional thinking or living couple.

This is my take on the why we are getting married. Doug's differs. Typical.

Involving the government in my relationship appals me. But at this point in my life, after a lot of experience in relationships (details private) I know that there is no one else that I want to share my life with more than Doug. OK, he's an eccentric pain in the butt on many occasions but he has been the most solid partner for over fourteen years now. We have been through thick and thin together. Yes, we've had our rough times. I've almost walked out the door in frustration at times. Doug is a kruzter. Jewish for procrastinator. I'm a doer. I get on with whatever needs to be done immediately. If Doug can put it off until whenever he will. Big deal. I may be totally deluded but I think I've developed many ways to trick him into doing things asap.

The reason we are getting married is to celebrate what I consider a gosh darn great relationship. What makes it great? Well, Doug does all the cooking. Most people don't know that I was once a very good cook. In fact most of my friends just see me as a spoiled. I am spoiled but believe me, thanks to Doug and a lot of hard work on my part I also verge on being balanced. All his meals are perfectly,nutritionally, low fat and balanced. When I was diagnosed certifiably mishugahna I was told that it was just like having diabetes. And just like diabetes it was something that I could manage. Doug was diagnosed with diabetes when he was a little kid and he has achieved impeccable management which luckily for me has helped maintain my sanity. That's just one good reason to get married. Not that I don't miss running down the streets of Toronto naked but being reasonably stable has it's advantages. There are a kazillion other reasons that I'll go into another time. One is that we are also amazing creative partners, having written a play and other articles, keynotes and stand-up routines together.

Most of all I want to have fun. So far it's been so much fun talking about and planning the wedding. Originally Doug wanted to make it into a reality show. No go on my part. The blog will do as far as discussing all the planning.

We have the venue and food all picked out which I'll talk about next time. People have asked me what I'm wearing. I don't know. Doug wants to wear a tux with his signature Converse runners. Maybe I should wear a white tux?

Doug and I will be blogging separately and together at times. We look forward to your comments/feedback.